Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I need to calm my uterus...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
