i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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