drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize