There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
