White coat. Heels.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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