I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
