I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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