Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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