you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
how drunk are you?
Several
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
