It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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