Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
