Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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