Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
