So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
