Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
