Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
