I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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