wakey wakey hands off snakey
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize