i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
