remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
