my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
