I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I stole a fireplace last night.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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