The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
