He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
