I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
