I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
