Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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