News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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