Just mADE A PArabola og urine
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
