You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
