Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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