help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
i out mim tonsoeep
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