i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
