Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
