Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
she was so not down for the gang bang
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
