i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize