and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
