I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
