Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
