I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
