I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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