We're like a lot better than the average bears
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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