Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize