Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize