Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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