when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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