Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
