eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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