I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
