Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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