I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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