Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
