Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
