Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
