you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
