Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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