I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
