my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
