I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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