i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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