Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize