plz talk dirty to me
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
