i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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