I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
