went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
