Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
