A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize