Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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