i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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