Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The beer is more important than you right now.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
