I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
