you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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