We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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