Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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