Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
