I must be too annoying 4 u.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
